Spiritual Leadership.

I was sipping my peppermint coffee (ah, the joys) and watching CNN when a segment called, "Ted Haggard: I'm a changed man" came on. Now, there's nothing I like more with my morning brew than a good bit of scandal. But usually that void is filled with Twilight spoilers and other PG gossip. As I watched the segment, my spirit writhed about in discomfort. This isn't the flippant fluff I'm used to watching. This is personal. This hits close to home.

As a lifelong resident of Colorado Springs, New Life Church has played a prominent part in my community and at least a peripheral part in my life. I have attended New Life services off and on, and regularly attended the Mill during my college days. Even if the whole mega church scene made me uncomfortable, I respected what New Life did in the community. (And I STILL respect what New Life does in the community, for the record.)

When the whole Ted Haggard scandal exploded, it really did rock this city-- and not in the good, hair metal, 80s kinda way. Even those of us who side-eyed New Life culture still felt wounded by the charade and hypocrisy Haggard engaged in, and we empathized with our brothers and sisters who were deeply rooted at New Life.

I worked for a Christian nonprofit at the time, and many of my friends and coworkers had attended New Life for ages. We openly prayed for the church community and for Ted's family. A cloak of sorrow fell across my company, and the Colorado Springs community at large.

So now, to hear that Ted is coming back to minister... I just don't know how I feel about that.

It's likely to be a contentious topic. This man was the spiritual father to countless people in this town, and probably across the nation. When he left the city, he gave us all space to heal. But for him to not only start another church, but to start it in the very city he wounded... I don't know. It upsets me, but I'm willing to believe that's a wrong attitude.

I suppose the root of my tension stems from this question: Should a man who fell so far into sin be leading anyone? And hear this before you jump down my throat: Of COURSE all pastors sin. Pastors are people. I get it. I understand that completely. But when the sinning has become a lifestyle-- one that Haggard went out of his way to cover up with MORE sin-- when the sinning has become ingrained in a man's personality, should he really be in a position of authority? And even if he has been healed by the Lord, does that mean he's fit to pastor another congregation? 1 Timothy 3:2 says, "Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach..." So, is it wrong of me to think he's unfit to lead when he has a history of violating so many of these things?

Perhaps that question has value, and perhaps it doesn't. Maybe I'm emphasizing the wrong thing here. What matters in MY life is whose leadership I follow. So I ask myself: Would I be willing to follow Ted Haggard at this point in time? My flesh says no, but maybe I'm in the wrong. I'm still parsing it out. The idea of subjecting myself to his teachings is nothing short of ludicrous.

So, here I sit, nursing a now cold cup of coffee. I'm thinking about the impact this will have on Colorado Springs. I'm thinking about how the church ought to respond to this development. My thoughts and feelings are still evolving, and I'm not dogmatic about anything. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out...