"I can thank my God for every wave that has wrecked me upon the Rock, Jesus Christ."
-Darlene Deibler Rose
Dear friends and family,
We sit to write you with very full hearts. Normally we don't send correspondence en masse. Those of you who know us well would laugh; we hardly send correspondence at all! But given the recent turn of events, we feel compelled and inspired to get in touch. We've had an incredible series of weeks, and we knew we needed to write.
This is a long story, so maybe prepare yourself with a cup of coffee. Or two. (Or three, in my case!)
To begin, it must be noted that the last two years have been the most trying of our marriage-- perhaps our lives. But as we reflect on those difficult times, we see the hand of God repairing our brokenness, polishing our imperfections, and crafting us into something better than ever before. Our lives-- and particularly this season-- have been a testament to the truth that "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." This truth informs our current season. And by the end of this email, we think you'll share in our hope, too.
A few weeks ago, Doug went on a retreat through our church, Family of Christ. (Rather, he went on a trip with our church-that-meets-in-a-building, Family of Christ. We have a lot of churches, and we're all the church, and so on and so forth. :)
So, anyway. He went on this retreat. This retreat is notorious. Men talk about it all year round. As the date approaches, men huddle in corners to murmur excitedly about "all-terrain vehicles" and "shooting ranges" and "poker tournaments." Men travel across the country to attend this retreat, started by our humble church. And when the men return, they are completely and utterly shaken. Moved. Changed. I saw it not once, not twice, but in all the men who had gone on the previous year's retreat. So, as the retreat approached, more and more men started pressing Doug about going. He's not your stereotypical "man's man," so he was a little hesitant. Doug's idea of an edifying retreat equates to holing up in the basement with a massive pile of books, obscure old movies, and his Bible on the iPhone. But something compelled Doug to go, so on a Thursday evening we scrambled around the house trying to find anything that could remotely come in hand on a camping trip. Fable and I waved goodbye to Doug for the weekend as he piled into a car full of men and drove off into the sunset.
Meanwhile, back on the ranch, I had forged a plan with the other castoff wives to spend the weekend tag-teaming with the children. The plan looked a little something like this: Take several field-trips with the kids, wear them out, and cram them all into sleeping bags on the floor of one house for a sleep-over. Somehow margaritas got thrown in there for good measure, but I digress.
What ensued was the beginning of something wonderful. The weekend was long for the both of us, and full of lessons and opportunities for growth that were surely inspired by the Lord.
Doug could fill you in on all the details of the trip. From what I understand, it was exactly as macho as was rumored. But the report from all the men is this: It didn't end there. The trip was a strange and amazing hybrid of masculinity and vulnerability; hiking and repelling, while strengthening their spiritual muscles as well. My husband came home with a renewed faith, an inner peace, a commitment to integrity and family... These are all things he possessed before the trip, but were brought to maturation while he was away.
While he was gone, I had some time to connect with the Lord, too, but in a much different way. Over the weekend, a dear friend wrote me an email that started a difficult chain of events. I had no idea how to handle the sudden strain imposed on our friendship. Without Doug's guidance, it was hard to know how to react. Most people told me to walk away from the friendship. But something didn't feel right in my soul. I needed Doug to come home.
When Doug and I met back up on Sunday evening, we were each brimming with emotions and stories we just had to share. Doug told me about the retreat, and the warmth and strength emanating from him were palpable. I was so relieved to have him home. Finally, I told him about the difficult time I had with my friend. I felt a mixture of emotions when he said, "Instead of reacting out of woundedness, too, I think you have a chance to rise above it and give God the glory." Finally, the discernment and clarity I was looking for. That night I met up with my friend. Ultimately we were able to have grace for one another. We have spent a lot of time talking about Christ, and I see how God redeemed that difficult situation. I am SO glad we didn't just leave things where they were, but I never would have gotten there if it weren't for Doug.
There was no doubt about it. God had started a work in my husband and in me.
Doug and I barely had time to unpack (in any sense of the word), when we got some surprising news. The Monday following the retreat, Doug came home early from work. I was busy cleaning the kitchen and keeping an eye on Fable when Doug walked through the door. He put his arms around me. There was a softness in his voice, tinted by a quiver.
He told me that he lost his job. The words, "laid off" rang in my ears.
In that moment, I felt so honored to be his wife.
And we were relieved. God had finally released us from Cook. We were so grateful for Doug's job-- especially after we had Fable and I left my job to be a stay-at-home-mom. But we had felt for all too long that the time had come to make a change. Release!
In the days that followed, we were flooded with an outpouring of love. Emails, texts, and phone calls from loving friends and family wanting to know if we were okay. We were so grateful for their concern. Our response was, "God's hand is all over this, and we have REAL joy!" This peace truly does surpass all understanding.
How differently would we have handled this news if not for our weekend retreats? Six months ago, would this have sent us spiraling into despair? A year ago, would we have clung to each other like we do now? The more we think about it, the clearer it becomes that God has been paving the way for this for a very long time. With every passing day, the Lord was cultivating in us the right hearts to tackle this obstacle with strength and grace. We are more convinced than ever that God's sovereign plan will always prevail. Each and every day is crafted by the Lord for a greater purpose. We are so glad to be a part of that glory.
Over the course of that weekend, God taught Doug so much about what it truly looks like to be a man in this world. How to truly invest in one's family, instead of prioritizing work to an unhealthy degree. How to pursue the Lord on a daily basis. How to lead by example. How to trust God instead of man. And God taught me about being vulnerable, about God's wisdom looking different from man's, and about redemption for all circumstances-- even and especially this one!
At this moment, Doug is spending his final hours at David C. Cook. He is cleaning out his desk and saying goodbye to his friends. He has been determined to leave Cook with a blessing on his lips. He has done his job thoroughly in these last weeks, not slacking because the end was coming. He has conducted himself with so much dignity and humility. I'm continually amazed by this man's character.
So, where do we go from here? Who knows! The Lord does, of course. And we're grateful for the clean slate. We're extremely excited to see where God is leading us, because clearly He is! We are fully aware of the power of our God. It's the same power at work in us that raised Christ from the dead. We have so much trust in Him, and we pray for even more.
On a final note, we want to give glory to God for already tending to our needs. A few days ago we sat down to pay a mountain of medical bills. Near the end of the task we opened a letter that contained $50.00 more than the total sum of our bills. Isn't that amazing? How could be anything less than joyful?! God is on our side!
So, that's that! Please continue to pray for us to stay positive, to trust in the Lord, and to cling to one another. We love you, our dear friends, and we pray for you, too.
Much love,
Doug, Melanie, and Fable.
