1. Sitting Pretty.
As of today, I'm 12 weeks, 4 days pregnant. For those of you who have never been pregnant, that translates to, "Bloated as a beached whale." Don't believe me? You should see my stomach. Or my feet, which are already becoming increasingly difficult to spot. In all fairness, it ought to be remembered that this is my second pregnancy, and my body isn't holding up like it did with Fable. I already look like I'm smuggling a deflated basketball under my shirt. Why would I be smuggling such an object, you ask? Clearly you've never played Steal Something From Wal-Mart at 4:00 AM. Too bad. College was fun, in my experience! So, all that to say, I feel absolutely repulsive. Pregnancy acne isn't helping matters. Nor are the ever-swelling ankles and circles under my eyes. But I digress.
2. Sitting Still.
Pretty much the last few days/weeks have looked like this for me.
7:30 AM: Jolt awake from bed. Scramble in a sleepy daze to the kitchen. Pour and devour a bowl of Cheerios. Pray not to puke this morning.
7:36: Pray I reach the bathroom in time to puke aforementioned Cheerios.
8:00: Brush teeth and praise God that's over with.
9:15: Try eating something again. If it doesn't go so well, repeat steps 1-3. If it goes well, pass Go and collect $200.00.
10:00: Smile coyly at Doug, who has been awake with Fable since 6:00 AM, and ask if I can go take a nap.
12:00: Wake up from nap in time to pass my husband to the hallway on his way to take his own nap. Grunt our hellos at one another.
12:15: Eat lunch. Do more praying about the matter.
12:30: If everything goes well, I'll sit around on the couch all day, willing myself not to barf and taking naps.
Sounds pretty thrilling, huh? Bruce Willis will be portraying me in the upcoming movie, "Puke Hard: Puking Harder Again." I tried to get Natalie Portman to play me but she was already booked, so I had to go with Bruce.
By virtue of the fact that this is a list, there should be three things to mention. But since I can't think of another clever subtitle, I'll just drop it.
While we're on the subject of puking and lazing about, I'll give you a brief update on the mono and liver front: I got some results back today which were largely inconclusive. My liver enzyme levels are still rising a little, but not dramatically, which is good. Ultrasound showed that my liver looked good. The problem is, I have all but one sign of liver distress. The doctor thinks there's something causing my liver to not send fluids away from itself, so they'll be checking for a blood clot this week, as well as some other things. Basically, they kind of need to keep an eye on this stuff just in case it impacts my pregnancy later in the game. We'll know more later this week. Until then, as Andy Grammer would say, "Gotta keep your head up."
*I have to insult you because I love you and I don't want your ego to run away with you. You can thank me later when you learn some manners, you ingrate.
We weren't supposed to play Steal Something From Wal-Mart until college? Oh no! I totally jumped the gun then because I was playing Almost Getting Arrested At Target in high school.
ReplyDeleteI was playing, "Skip School And Hang Out In K-Mart" in the 6th grade. I was 11. And I had to walk up an enormous thorny hill just to get to K-Mart, where all I did was walk around browsing for hours. Sounds eerily similar to my life now, come to think of it...
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